Needing the result is costing you... everything

Podcast Transcript:

Welcome to the Pattern Breaking Podcast.

Last month I got an email with no warning that said, congratulations on winning the mountain retreat. And I was like, holy shit. Holy shit. So I opened this email and turns out the retreat is happening 10 days out from the day that I received this email.

This is something that I won from participating in a challenge that had happened months prior. The pr the challenge happened throughout the month of March, and I didn't hear about it until the very end of May when the retreat was happening on the 8th of June.

I could have heard about it, but even but what had happened was I had participated in every single qualifying event and qualifying chat part of the challenge in Shoshana Raven's Money March annual challenge. The challenge is selling something every day, going all in on sales in your business. And that's what I did.

I showed up every single day in the month of March and sold something and I did all of the qualifying events, including taking an ice bath and filming myself doing it and posting it in her Facebook group.

And I remember when I took that ice bath. Like, okay, I remember opening the opening the Money March Challenge Telegram group, seeing that the qualifying thing for that week was that I was gonna have to take an ice bath, film myself, and post it. And going, I don't even have a bathtub. How the heck am I gonna make that happen? And I was in Rome at the time. And and in Rome, you know, Rome is not.

California, like there are not like ice bath and floating pod wellness centers. Like it just that doesn't exist there. So there I wasn't going to be able to go anywhere to do this ice bath. There were no bodies of water within walking distance that would qualify. Like it was just like, what am I gonna do? And then it dawns on me. I'm like, ⁓ wait, I have like I didn't I I felt like it was impossible.

Right, like my brain right away was like, well, you're disqualified. But in that moment I was like, wait, I have that weird collapsible bathtub that I bought on AliExpress

And so I filled that up with the coldest water that I could fill it with. And trust me, it was cold. It was like bel well below 50 degrees, which is cold for a bath. And I put some ice in it and I filmed myself getting into that bathtub. And as I was doing it that morning, like it was like my daughter went to school and I filled up that ice bath and I did it right away. As soon as I figured out that I was able to do this thing, I did it.

And I remember as I got into that ice bath, I thought to myself, if I have to do this to win the retreat, I there's no question. I want that retreat. I'm doing this. And I just had this really strong feeling that if I did that ice bath, I would win that retreat. And that wasn't logical, right? Because there were literally thousands of people participating in Shoshana's Money March Challenge. And I'm sure that there was.

I imagine there were a hundred hundreds of people that qualified too, that qualified for winning the retreat. So I did it. I did everything. I did all of the tasks that were like qualifying for that for that challenge and for winning that spot on that super exclusive retreat with her. I did it all. But what I didn't do was at the end of that month when she was.

Doing multiple super long live calls per week, announcing winners and also talking about offers so that, you know, you could continue working with her after that month. What I didn't do was sit through all of those long calls. I didn't have time. I didn't feel called to do it. I didn't feel like I had basically I had already decided to join her.

Her continuation offer. And so it was like, I don't need to listen to those. And I assumed that if I had won, that they would contact me.

I was not desperate to find out that I had won. And hence me not knowing until the very last minute that I had won.

And I think that there's a really powerful lesson in this actually. And I think that it relates so much to a dynamic, a kind of off energy that I see a lot of people approach approach their lives with, but approach their specifically the things that they want to create that they don't already have.

There people bring an off energy to desires, to dreams, to building things and going through the hard challenges along the way to like manifesting or creating what they want to have or see or be in this world. People bring an off energy to that. And it's and it's the opposite of what I did.

In the process of winning this super exclusive retreat.

Like, let me just give you a sense really quickly of how valuable that retreat was that I won and got to participate in. So this was me and f four other women and Shoshana.

Yes, four other women. Yes, four other women and Shoshana. Shoshana Raven since 2021 has made over $30 million in her business. She doesn't even give an exact number because she just gives her Stripe account numbers and she knows that there's many millions more in PayPal.

And she's has offers where you can work with her for like her offers start at 17,000 for a year of working with her in a not close proximity space. So in a space where you get to learn from her, but you don't are not guaranteed any access to her. Her spaces r range from that to

Like just for an example, if you want to participate in her large group events that are close proximity, pretty exclusive, it's a fifty thousand dollar per year investment. And that's for a group ⁓ an event where there are probably dozens of people in attendance. So the value, the like theoretical value of a pro close proximity r retreat where it's just you and a few other people at the table from something who some

at the table with a business master, somebody who is both a

an master of both of the energetics and the strategy in business required to have a bajillion dollar business.

that kind of ability to have a

just to have dinner and then a targeted mastermind conversation with a very small group of women is basically invaluable. But I know that if she sold something like that for fifty thousand dollars for that overnight retreat, she would sell it. No, no questions asked. Women would pay that.

She has ⁓ I'm sure that there are many people in her world who would pay that to to to experience what I got to experience completely for free.

And if you're listening to this and you're like, why would somebody pay $50,000 to have a single convert, you know, to have two conversations, to have dinner and then a conversation with somebody? Like, it's because when you have conversations with somebody who has that level of mastery in business, that one conversation could make you millions. And so $50,000 for an investment in that conversation when the return is.

potentially millions of dollars is becomes a no brainer.

Okay, so now that I've given you a sense of like the magnitude of what I won

Let's talk about why I think it was actually the key that I qualified, did the work, and then let it go and basically forgot about it.

The key for me was that I didn't need that retreat. I didn't need Shoshana. I didn't need to have a close proximity, one-on-one conversation with her to move forward with my life.

The key was that I desired it, did what it took for me to receive it, and then I let go.

And I see so many people do the exact opposite of this. Where on the way to achieving what they want. Where on the way to qualifying for what they want. They grasp and need and feel miserable about the fact that they don't have it yet.

Now think about this.

If someone, a love interest of yours was available but not needy, they are so much more attractive than if that love interest is constantly blowing up your phone outside the door every time you told open the door. Like then it goes from being a love interest to a stalker, right? We don't want to stalk our dreams.

And we don't want to be a junkie for them. A junkie in the sense of like an addict, a drug addict. Like we don't want to live our lives desperately seeking the next hit.

Because we feel like we'll die if we don't.

What I want for you, as you dream, as you aspire, as you create things, as you work on yourself, as you build skills, as you like troubleshoot your way to creating the thing that you've never created before, it's hard. It's hard. But I want you to not need the result.

I want you to not need the destination. I want you to not do it for the destination. I want you to be okay along the way. I want you to be whole and complete every step of the way. I don't want you to beat yourself up if you're not there yet. Because you can sit here in this moment and both desire something that you don't have yet.

And feel incredibly grateful for all that you already have and have done. And that is the most powerful, indestructible, resilient place to create from. If you instead

Are constantly beating yourself up, are constantly worried, are constantly telling yourself that this isn't working. Why do I even try? I'm tired, I should just give up. If you're tired, if you're constantly doing that on the process of achieving whatever it is, whether it's building a business that replaces your job, whether it's trying to find a home to like your dream home, whether it's trying to have children.

Whether it's trying to find a love partner, like a romantic partner, a life partner, whatever it is that you don't have, but you wish that you could have,

the way to create that, the way to have that is to be okay now.

Otherwise, you repel the thing that you want to create. And I think that this happens both energetically in the unseen realm

and in really practical ways. Where if you show up to a job interview, for example, needing the job.

Being absolutely desperate, pleading and saying, my gosh, I will I cannot live if I don't have this. The people who do the job interview are gonna be like, Mm, ⁓ I don't know, we're kind of scared of you. You know? It's not gonna be like, yes, this is a person that we want to work with every day. Like, yes, come on, like we want you as a part of our world. Like this seems like a perfect fit. Like that is not gonna happen.

And that's the way that things work in life.

That opportunities are repelled from you when you're miserable. It's just true.

And I really attribute so much of the success and opportunities that I've had to this, to that I am always holding bigger and bigger ambitions. I'm always calibrating to my current ceiling, put create making that more like my floor than my ceiling.

Really trying at every step to to relax into what is.

And to not need anything more and yet to desire more.

And the beautiful thing about living this way is that when you're okay, but you dream, when you're not needing the result, when you're living and loving your life on the way to the result, one of two things will inevitably happen. You will either get exactly what you wished for to the point where you are spooked.

Where you're like, wait a minute, I knew this was gonna happen. I wanted this so long ago, but I didn't cling to it. And here it is. Either that will happen, or something else that you never expected, that's even better than what you asked for will arrive. And that dream that you once had.

won't even need to manifest because you have something better beyond your wildest dreams. It's those two options. Two great options. And they both hinge on you living and loving your life now.

Doing the work to get to that dream, to that goal, but not doing it in a way that burns you out or makes you miserable or is where you're constantly fighting an internal battle with yourself. Being okay now. Can you do that?

hard because I think that we're taught that we need to struggle our way to our goals.

I think

that some people act like that's the only way. And the truth is, is that that's often what propels people towards their goals. Because what happens is, is when you've struggled so hard, when you're at a rock bottom, when you're totally burnt out, it becomes non-negotiable that you move forward.

Toward something different.

It's like the you when you completely destroy yourself, you become a blank slate that doesn't need anything. When you get to rock bottom, when you've spent all the money you thought you had, when you have worked yourself to the point where you're physically exhausted.

You realize you're still there.

And that's when people often bounce back, but we don't have to go that far.

What I want you to know is that you can actually rest and relax and receive.

By being comfortable and okay with your existence where you currently are.

But what you can't do is not take any action at all. It's about being okay with what you have right now, seeing the beauty

and having awe for the existence that you have right now, knowing what you want, being pulled towards desires and ambitions, and taking action towards them without needing the result, loving the process.

Which sounds cliche, but it's true. If you don't love the work on the way to the destination, if the work on the way to the destination is making you miserable, why would you want that destination?

I want you to love the challenge, love the growth, love the stretching and the hard moments, the mornings where you're like

can't believe I'm about to do this. Or where your body's like, whoa, we just did that.

You will calibrate to it. It get easier. You will кіл do more.

And it will light you up, it will give you more energy than it takes.

What drains us is not taking action towards our goals. Taking action towards our goals.

fills us up.

We go to bed tired but satisfied and wake up in the morning refreshed. What eats at us and makes us miserable along the path is knowing that we're living a life that we don't want to be living.

That we're not taking action to change our current circumstances.

That is what drains us and makes life hard to live.

So

learned so much on this retreat that I won, this mini overnight retreat.

And I met some of the most incredible women that I've ever met in my life and have made connections with them that I look forward to keeping for many years.

But this was the one takeaway that I really wanted to share.

And it's the difference. It's the difference between the women who were there on that retreat and the women who weren't.

The difference between the women that were there and the women that weren't was that the women that were there were action takers. The women that were there weren't living perfect lives, but they were

doing the work to create their dreams.

Every single day.

So I wanna give you some homework. I think it's worth journaling or recording a voice note or even just reflecting over the next day.

What do you need to let go of that you currently feel like you need, that you do not have, that you desire, and that you are clinging to? And what internal dialogue, what internal resistance do you find yourself up against that makes your current life feel like a fight on the way to what you want?

Identify those things and stop. Tell yourself, I am no longer available for that.

It really you get to decide that you don't wanna live with internal resistance, that you don't want to let internal resistance and misery be your default state.

Because everything is on the line. Everything hinges on you not listening and moving from that internal state of resistance or burnout or misery, but instead moving from towards taking action towards what you want to create. Not needing it, but moving towards it.